Month: May 2015

Prison – Are We Using it or Abusing it?

Are we using prisons as a form of behavior modification or are we using it as a way to keep criminals away from society?

What about those who are falsly imprisoned?

How about corporate prisons?

Ky read 10 of the 19 statistics about our prison system from mic.com. Read the other 9 staggering stats for yourself here.

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Who Has it Worse: Mothers or Fathers?

Parenting is rewarding, but also challenging and difficult in so many ways. Mothers and fathers do their best to raise their children to be good and productive people. This is a very demanding task so it’s not surprising it requires a lot of skill, love and devotion.

While both mothers and fathers are praised for their parenting skills, one question often pops up in all discussions about parenting: who has it worse, mothers or fathers? Or, to put it this way: is it more difficult to be a mother or a father of a child? Who has a larger burden of raising children and leading them to the right path?

Usual Misconceptions

There are some common misconceptions about parenthood that make this dilemma more confusing. For example,Article Lead - wide62544977118k3pimage.related.articleLeadwide.729x410.118k0h.png1413757013828.jpg-620x349 most people assume that mothers are always those who invest more and devote themselves more to raising their children. This belief goes as far as assuming that a mother is always the “better” parent and that a child needs its mother more than a father. To be a single father is often seen as being more difficult because men are not seen as being capable to be their children’s primary carers.

Undoubtedly, there is some truth in those beliefs and it’s certainly true for some fathers. Traditionally, mother is the parent who takes more care of the children and devotes herself to this task. However, it’s not fair to assume that fathers never play a significant role in raising their children or that they are not able to raise their children as good as mothers can.

Indeed, there are many devoted fathers who prove men can be excellent parents. These men devote their time to their children and focus on their upbringing. Some of them do it because they are single fathers, while others do it in marriage. Today, it is not unheard of to have a family consisting of a stay at home father with a working mother. Also, many parents today share parenting duties equally. Being a parent is not solely a woman’s role anymore, which makes the burden of parenting more equal for both parents. In short, both mothers and fathers experience joys and difficulties of parenthood in equal measure.

new-father_3008958bWhat about Traditional Parenting?

These new models show a more equal approach to parenting, which also assumes a more equal share in responsibilities and difficulties. What about traditional parenting, then? The one in which the mother is more responsible for raising the children while the father works and spends less time with them. Does this model put all of the responsibility and burden of parenting on mother alone?

While this type of parenting sure makes the mother devote more time and energy to raising her children, it doesn’t necessarily mean the role of a father is non-existent. In fact, traditional parenting puts a different sort of a burden on a father. In this model, a father is solely responsible for providing for his family, so his children’s wellbeing and financial security depend solely on him. He has to work and he has to find a way to give his children the best possibleotac-sa-sinom life he can provide. This, too, is a difficult, time consuming task and an important part of parenting.

Not to mention that a father in a traditional parenting model is usually the highest source of authority in the family, required to teach their children discipline. This is not an easy task, and it has to be done in addition to a job and other duties a man might have. All these things make traditional fatherhood more difficult than it may seem at the first glance.

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Parental Favoritism: Is it Harmful?

Parental favoritism is usually seen as a bad thing; favoring one child over the others is not seen as a right thing to do. Yet, many parents do have a “favorite child”, whether they want to admit it or not. While some people claim they don’t have a favorite child or that they’d never favor one child over the others, the reality of the situation shows that favoritism is something that happens in many families.

Is This Normal?

While favoritism is seen as morally wrong, numerous researches point out that it’s actually normal and unavoidable.child While there are some situations that can bring harm and that should not be done, it’s important to know that favoring one child over the others is not a bad thing on itself. In fact, it’s what most parents do, even if they are unaware of it.

Why do parents favor one child over the others? Experts say that it’s usually due to the bonds formed with said child as the opposite of the others. Sometimes, the child’s age is the major factor: older children have more of a personality and can do more things, so spending time with them is more fun. Oftentimes, favoritism comes as a consequence of gender: many parents bond better with the child of their own gender, though for some people find it easier to bond with a child of the opposite gender.

A lot of time, it’s basic human psychology: parents have their unique personalities and so do children. Just like we don’t get along with everyone equally, and just like we don’t enjoy everyone’s company in equal measures, we can’t enjoy all of our children’s’ personalities in equal ways. Some children will have personalities that match our own better than the others. Some children will be easier to understand and bond with. Some children will behave in a way that it’s easier for us to understand. This is just a fact of life, and there is nothing wrong about it per se.

childrenIt’s vital for parents to understand that children are people with unique personalities, and as such, may have personalities that suit us better than the others. It’s important to be aware of this fact and try not to deny it or avoid it.

That being said, it’s important to note that favoring one child does not mean and should not mean loving this child more than the others or actually giving them more attention and care than the others.

When it Becomes a Problem

Feeling a better bond with one child due to matching personalities is not a bad thing. However, favoritism can take anchild_favoritism ugly turn, and this is what parents should watch for. You should never allow yourself to treat one of your children differently than the others. Acceptable favoritism does not mean that you should actually love one child more than the others or that you give more attention or care to this child than to your other children.

We all know numerous stories about parents who favor one child over the others to the point of being a worse parent to children they don’t favor. This harmful favoritism can have serious consequences for all your children and your family as a whole. The non-favored children will feel left out and unwanted, which can leave psychological consequences. However, the favorite child, too, can suffer consequences, ranging from weak character to guilt and other problems.

The bottom line is: favoritism due to different personalities is not harmful on itself, but it should not go beyond that. You should not be a better parent to one of your children than the others, and you should not give more attention or care to your favorite child than the others.

What do you think? Is parental favoritism a prevailing issue and is it a harmful thing? Share your comments below.

Why Arranged Marriages Last Longer than Unarranged

In the minds of many, arranged marriages are nothing but business arrangements. They are not seen as romantic or even honest, which makes some people have negative reaction to the very idea of an arranged marriage. The truth is, arranged marriages tend to last longer than the unarranged marriages and produce a lot of affection. How come?

The main reason arranged marriages last is because they are based on compatibility in the most important areas of life, such as beliefs, personality and life goals. Unarranged marriages, on the other hand, are often based on superficial things and do not necessarily stand the test of time.

Arranged and Unarranged Marriages

There are many ways to arrange a marriage, and it varies from culture to culture. Typically, a marriage is arrangedweddings by parents or a professional matchmaker. In many cases, the arrangement simply means to be introduced to a prospective spouse and the decision on whether to marry this person or not fully depends on you. It means young people are not forced to marry someone they don’t want to. Even in these situations, however, arranged marriages are sometimes seen as a bad way to go.

In reality, many – some even say the most – of arranged marriages are very happy. These marriages tend to last long and are less likely to end in a divorce. People in arranged marriages often report high levels of affection and satisfaction with their married life. On the other hand, unarranged marriages are in no way a guarantee for happiness. They can produce a lot of tension and they often end in a divorce.

Love that Grows

loveHere is another interesting thing: according to the experts, people in arranged marriages tend to feel more and more in love with their spouse as the time passes. This is a contrast to people in unarranged marriages, who often report to be less in love as the time goes by.

After about ten years, those in the arranged marriages have a stronger relationship that people in the unarranged marriages. Love in the arranged marriage grows with the each year, which makes spouses more devoted to each other as the time goes.

These facts clearly show that arranged marriages offer a certain stability and security, so they sure bring a lot of good things to the table.

Arranged Marriages are made to Last

coulpeOne of the main reasons why arranged marriages last is because they ensure that the two people are truly compatible and suited for each other. Arranged marriages are carefully planned and many considerations are made to choose the right person. Parents or matchmakers take many important things into account, things that people might not consider themselves when choosing a partner outside of an arranged marriage.

In an arranged marriage, a great effort is made to find a person compatible in all the important aspects. Factors such as beliefs, interests, opinions and life goals are taken into account. Also, this approach examines both prospective families and their history. All these factors are taken into account in order to find a truly compatible person.

As a result, arranged marriages tend to produce a good match and lead to a lifelong commitment between two people. Since they are based on what’s truly important: personalities, belief and life goals, spouses in an arranged marriage are more likely to always be on the same page and to support each other through rocky times.

Overcoming Hardships

marriage USAPeople in unarranged marriages, on the other hand, are less likely to take all these important things into account when choosing a partner. They might be blinded by passion and believe this one aspect will make the marriage work. Once the time passes and passion fades away, however, people might discover that they are not really compatible in any substantial way. Even worse, when the life gets tough, they are less likely to stick to their partner or offer a good support.

It means that any problem that may arise and any tough situation is difficult to overcome. Loss of passion coupled with reality of life often lead to divorce. Once they discover the passion is gone and once they realize they don’t have anything in common, people simply turn around and decide to end the marriage. Not to mention that they tend to be less willing to go through hard times with their spouse.

These factors contribute to high divorce rates in the unarranged marriages. While not every unarranged marriage will end in a divorce, it is important to know that arranged marriages do last longer.

Long Lasting Commitment

All these factors combined show that arranged marriages are made to last because they are built on true commitmentcompatibility and things that are truly important in life. Arranged marriages last because they are firmly rooted in things that really make us who you are, not superficial things. While not all of the unarranged marriages are based on superficial things or simple passion, it’s important to know that these marriages do not necessarily take the most important things into account to ensure compatibility. As a result, arranged marriages tend to be longer-lasting.

What do you think? What is the reason that arranged marriages last longer? Share your comments below.

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