Even the happiest relationship has its conflicts. In fact, experts claim that a good, loving relationship can never be completely conflict-free. Two people who love each other will encounter problems and difference in opinions. This is normal. In fact, this is a sign that your relationship is working.
Therefore, you should not try to avoid conflicts or arguments at all costs. They are healthy and can actually make your relationship stronger. However, it’s important to know how to resolve conflicts in a productive and respectful manner. This is the only way to make it work.
How to Argue in a Good Way
While conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, it’s important to avoid some common pitfalls. Whatever you do, remember how much you love your partner. Never forget about this love and respect. You can argue and get angry, but you should never use this conflict to hurt or humiliate your partner.
A key to a successful conflict resolution is to be able to voice your concerns openly, even if the other person disagrees. Once you know how the other person feels, it is possible to find a common ground or find another solution to a problem. However, in order for this to work, both of you need to be open for a compromise and ready to hear what the other person has to say.
Another important thing to keep in mind is that you should never hide your feelings. You should let your partner know how you feel, especially if they are the ones who hurt you. Communication is the key to happiness in a relationship so you should be able to be open about your feelings and concerns.
Tips for Conflict Resolution
Here are some useful tips on how to resolve conflicts and arguments in a relationship:
- Make the other person know you care. No matter how angry or distressed you are, let the other person know you care about them. You can show you are angry and you can talk about any problems you wish to discuss, but it’s important to let the other person know you still love them. Remember: criticize behavior, not the person. Let your partner know you do care about them even if you are angry.
- Control your emotions. This is probably the most difficult task. When we are angry, it’s easy to lose control. We yell and vocalize our anger in many ways. This is a very common reaction, but losing control over your emotions is rarely productive. Not to mention it will probably prompt the other person to react in a similar way. There is no much chance for conflict resolution when two people are yelling at each other. Also, when you lose control, you might say some things you don’t really mean and hurt your partner in the process.
- During an argument, we tend to focus on our own point of view. We believe we are right and that other person is wrong. While this sort of thinking is not surprising, you should always be ready to listen. Try to control your anger and hear what the other person has to say. Do not dismiss their words; think about them. Be open to the idea that you might made a mistake. Be ready to listen what your partner has to say and why they feel the way they do.
- Don’t resort to name calling. This is a very bad thing to do. Not only it’s disrespectful toward your partner, it serves nothing in terms of resolving a conflict. In fact, it will only make it worse. Remember, whatever you do, you need to let your partner know you care, and you cannot do that if you call them names.
- Pick your battles. It’s important to know when to get angry and when not. Do not sweat the small stuff. Chances are that there are some things your partner does that you don’t really like, but unless it’s something major, it’s usually better not to focus on it. A good relationship has to include some compromises so you need to know when to get angry and when not.
- Be patient. This is a very difficult thing to do, especially in the heat of the argument. However, it’s crucial for a successful conflict resolution. Take a few deep breaths and pause to think. It’s often wise to stop the argument when tensions are high and come back to discuss the problem once both of you are calmer. Do not expect quick, immediate solutions to problems.
- Learn to move on. Once the conflict is over, leave it in the past. Do not dwell on the old arguments and don’t use them as “weapons” in future conflicts. Once a problem is resolved, it’s best to leave it in the past and move on. This is a good way to avoid any future conflicts around the same subject.